Jump Jonny Jump

Mwhahahah

2007-10-11T03:55:42Z

How to get money from Toshiba for not using Windows

2007-08-22T01:28:15Z

By refusing the windows EULA on a new laptop you can get a refund.

WOW disease kills avatars

2007-08-21T06:13:16Z

Link to news site

Not quite right but not too bad.

2007-08-15T23:57:47Z

Reserved Leader

Only enough for a good laptop

2007-08-02T02:18:10Z

$4025.00

Mingle² - Free Online Dating

impossiblemale @ 2007-06-29T23:08:00

2007-06-29T13:08:35Z

The Everything Test

There are many different types of tests on the internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all.

Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We're turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we've got some innovative results too! Enjoy :-)

Personality

You are more logical than emotional, more concerned about self than concerned about others, more atheist than religious, more dependent than loner, more lazy than workaholic, more traditional than rebel, more engineering mind than artistic mind, more cynical than idealist, more leader than follower, and more extroverted than introverted.

As for specific personality traits, you are romantic (71%), greedy (60%).

Stereotypes
Old Geezer	100%
Punk Rock	60%
Prep	54%

Life Experience
Sex	35%
Substances	32%
Travel	3%

Politics
Your political views would best be described as Liberal, whom you agree with around 46% of the time.

Socioeconomic
Your attitude toward life best associates you with Upper Class. You make more than 91% of those who have taken this test, and 28% more than the U.S. average.

If your life was a movie, it would be rated PG-13.
By the way, your hottness rank is 60%, hotter than 46% of other test takers.

TAKE THE TEST
brought to you by thatsurveysite

A fun logic puzzle

2007-05-21T04:36:04Z

An interesting site that I was sent.

http://www.freestuffhotdeals.com/hacker/1.html

It took me about 15 minutes. I used Google to find the questions but there is a site that has all of the answers though so be careful and not look at it accidentally.

Hormone hostages

2007-04-24T04:09:51Z

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands!

This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?

SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?

SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?

SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.

SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!

ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?

SAFER: What did I do wrong?

SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.

ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?

SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.

SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?

SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.

SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!

ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

13 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweatpants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff........And my favorite one...

13. Potential Murder Suspect

Pass this onto all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh! Or men who need a warning! And remember: Money talks...but chocolate sings. Another thing to giggle about... My husband, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

When I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me diamonds. Here have some chocolate.

Kylie to be a bad, bad girl who doesn't do what the Doctor tells her.

2007-04-22T22:54:43Z

Who will win, the Doctor or the Pop Star?

I am WOMAN!! Also I have a "Steed"

2007-04-15T08:51:47Z

Which 80`s Cartoon are You?

Shera Princess of Power

I am Adora, He-Mans twin sister and defender of the crystal castle. This is Spirit my beloved Steed. Fabulos secrets were revealed to me the day I held aloft my sword and said for the honor of grayskull. She-Ra, She-Ra, . . . She-Ra, . . . She-Ra, She-Ra. Princess Adora transforms into She-Ra by the Sword of Protection aloft and saying, "For the honor of Grayskull... I am She-Ra!" United with her horse, Spirit, She-Ra must free Etheria from Hordak and his evil Horde, after realizing her true destiny through the help of her twin brother Prince Adam, who is also known as He-Man.

Click Here to Take This Quiz

Quizzes and Personality Tests
Take More Quizzes | Make Your Own Quiz!

Meh

2007-04-12T22:58:22Z

I am a nerd. How do I know this? I re-formatted the code because I found a bug in it.

You scored as agnosticism. You are an agnostic. Though it is generally taken that agnostics neither believe nor disbelieve in God, it is possible to be a theist or atheist in addition to an agnostic. Agnostics don't believe it is possible to prove the existence of God (nor lack thereof).
Agnosticism is a philosophy that God's existence cannot be proven. Some say it is possible to be agnostic and follow a religion; however, one cannot be a devout believer if he or she does not truly believe.

agnosticism

83%

atheism

79%

Islam

79%

Satanism

67%

Buddhism

63%

Paganism

63%

Christianity

50%

Judaism

33%

Hinduism

17%

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

And another Off joke

2007-04-12T04:11:15Z

A man, his wife, and mother-in-law went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150.

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead.

I just can't take that chance."

A warning for Men.

2007-04-11T01:20:56Z

Please Read This Warning!!!

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to
be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many
females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer."

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in
bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female
sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to
go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume
a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached
sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers,
men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking
women whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking beer,
men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to
them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something
bad" occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's
savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." In extreme cases,
the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male
into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as
"marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is
administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim
to this "Beer" scam and the women administering it, there are male
support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking
encounter with similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest
you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.

impossiblemale @ 2007-04-10T10:33:00

2007-04-10T00:36:46Z

**************************************************************************************

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying "Hello".

I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!"
and the phone was slammed down in my ear. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an arsehole!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'arsehole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an arsehole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'arsehole'
calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from Telstra. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an arsehole!"

One day I was at the local shopping centre, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale"
sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first arsehole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW arsehole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is," he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.

"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked out the front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an arsehole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two arseholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea. I called Arsehole #1.

"Hello."

"You're an arsehole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Arsehole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked out the front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, arsehole," and hung up.

Then I called Arsehole #2. "Hello?" he said.

"Hello, arsehole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your arse," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, arsehole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at
34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in time to watch two arseholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really works.

Bored now.

2007-04-05T04:02:03Z

I came to work today simply because my car was booked in for a service, I just called them and it will be ready at about 5pm. Oh joy. Plus I found how to do this:

I know everyone else already knows how to LJ cut outs but I have never been told how to do them. As a result I will promise to use them when posting something large.

So anyway, I am now sitting at work with my mind in holiday mode surfing the web and generally not doing much. On the up side today I "found" myself a Main distribution Frame (MDF). For the non telecoms people out there it is where all the telephones for a building terminate. They are mainly used in business buildings and not residential homes. That said you can have them installed in a home but in Australia the phone carrier is only going to look after faults that occur up until that point after which it is your problem and you have to pay to get it fixed. So why am I excited about finding one? I'm glad you asked. With my house now wired with two cat6 cables to each room, it means that I can terminate the phone lines to the MDF, and then connect the phone lines to my patch panel. From there I will be able to put the phone lines anywhere in the house that I want, with as many extensions as I want. Added to this if we then add in the ADSL filters in line it then makes everything nice and neat in the cupboard.

I must admit that the idea for playing with the phone lines is not mine but was thought up with the assistance of a bottle of bourbon. Cheap, nasty "get's you drunk quick" bourbon. Which reminds me, we are out of mixer. After all we finished the bottle last night and there is another one pleading to be opened. :-) Oh and for the record there is two of us drinking, so I am not referring to myself with the royal "we".

So on that note, I shall port this entry to my journal and let everyone else read it.

Baaa

2007-04-04T23:08:00Z

Your results:
You are Magneto

Magneto		80%
Apocalypse		80%
Lex Luthor		78%
Mr. Freeze		75%
The Joker		74%
Dr. Doom		68%
Venom		64%
Green Goblin		61%
Riddler		61%
Juggernaut		57%
Kingpin		56%
Mystique		53%
Catwoman		51%
Poison Ivy		50%
Dark Phoenix		46%
Two-Face		45%

You fear the persecution of those that are different or underprivileged so much that you are willing to fight and hurt others for your cause.

Click here to take the Supervillain Personality Quiz

Seaman and the Pirate

2007-04-04T01:23:19Z

An able-bodied seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they
take turns recounting their adventures at sea.

Noting the pirate's peg-leg, hook, and eye patch the
seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

The pirate replies, "We was caught in a monster storm
off the cape and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just
as they were pullin' me out a school of sharks appeared
and one of 'em bit me leg off".

"Blimey!" said the seaman. "What about the hook"?

"Ahhhh...", mused the pirate, "We were boardin' a trader
ship, pistols blastin' and swords swingin' this way
and that. In the fracas me hand got chopped off."

"Zounds!", remarked the seaman. "And how came ye by
the eye patch?"

"A seagull droppin' fell into me eye", answered the
pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?", the sailor
asked incredulously.

"Well..." said the pirate, "..it was me first day with
the hook.."

It is all Fairy's Fault

2007-04-02T03:11:08Z

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Science/Math Nerd (Absolute Insane Laughter as you pour toxic chemicals into a foaming tub of death!) Well, maybe you aren't this extreme, but you're in league with the crazy scientists/mathmeticians of today. Very few people have the talent of math and science is something takes a lot of brains as well. Thank whosever God you worship, or don't worship, so thank no deity whatsoever in your case, for you people! Most of us would have died off without your help.
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Anime Nerd
Social Nerd
Literature Nerd
Drama Nerd
Musician
Artistic Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

This is so not cool. Why did he have to work there?

2007-03-28T04:47:49Z

http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/child-porn-allegations-top-school-rocked/2007/03/27/1174761471710.html

Progress much to everyone's delight

2007-03-28T00:13:24Z

Well things have started moving forward, after planning on getting the house wired since September 2005 there are now 12 connections running from their respective locations through to the patch panel and the wall plates are in place and looking pretty. All that is left now is another 6 cables to be run and the patch panel frame to be built, everything terminated on the patch panel and power brought to the panel and it will all be done. After that I will need to buy a $2000 switch so I can connect both of the ADSL connections in the house and she is all good. After that is the small matter of setting up 2 firewall PC's (which I have but need to check the hardware works and install the OS's) and I will be able to not worry about it for a while. After this is the plumbing and gardening.

Can I go now?

2007-03-23T03:57:08Z

Today had so much promise, mainly the promise of actually having something to do today. Ended up that i'm just too good as the work I had planned was finished before lunch. So it is just before 3pm and I have nothing to do.... Damn i'm going to have to go home early.

I'm not a nerd but everyone around me is....

2007-03-22T05:00:09Z

I just finished having an interesting discussion with several of my co-workers about the pro's and con's of various programming languages. Based on the number of languages that each person present knew well and used actively at some point, I decided that i'm the smallest of the nerds and thus not really a nerd. I also found out that since I am now learning VB there are about 5 people in my section that I can ask for help with it, keeping in mind that there are only 2 official programmers in my section.

Can I please have something interesting to do?

2007-03-21T01:56:18Z

EDIT:

=================================

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Female customer: A white one...

===============

Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

===============

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

===============

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and.
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

===============

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

============== =

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah...................thank you.

===============

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.

===============

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer:! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

===============

Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?

== =============

Customer: can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

===============

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

===============

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

===============

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

===============

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

===============

And last but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
END EDIT

Just to keep the roll of people posting this hour

2007-03-20T05:34:27Z

We may have had a breakthrough. I have been trying to talk my boss into letting me build a parser for a custome app we are using, and he has now decided that we should have a look at it. So yay time to play with files!

impossiblemale @ 2007-03-20T14:57:00

2007-03-20T04:08:35Z

The Leprechaun says,
	"Ignore the talking leprechaun on your shoulder."

Find Out Your St. Patrick's Day Advice at QuizGalaxy.com